Father’s Day was just this past Sunday. While I wanted to blog on that day, I felt maybe it was best to wait for all the hoopla to be over. Father’s Day is a complicated time for me, personally. As a man who was raised by a strong mother and strong female family members, I grew up without an involved father in my life. While I have had various men in my life help establish the rules of what it means to be a good man, I have none that I can call “Dad”. So when Father’s Day comes around in the age of social media, I am bombarded by images of my friends praising their fathers for a great upbringing. Mostly I chose to ignore social media, because my life doesn’t mirror that of a child with an involved father. Understand that this is not a pity party. I have grown into the type of man of which I can be proud and I cannot thank those who had a hand in that enough. However, this experience has left me wondering...What does Father’s Day or Mother’s Day mean to individuals who grew up without that parent or both parents in their lives?
Many people in this country believe that it is important to have both a mother and father in the household when raising a child. I won’t get into the heteronormativity dripping in statements like that, but I’m sure you get it. However, in a country full of people with differing experiences, I’m starting to see the traditional “values” that are reinforced by celebrating holidays like Father’s or Mother’s Day. We thank Father’s for their strength and guidance while we thank mother’s for their love and compassion. But again, what of the people who got both strength and love from one parent and not the other? In America traditional gender roles and identities are drilled into us at every turn. Those patriarchal ideals are pervasive and seep into all areas of our lives. They send the message that if you and your family don’t fit into the neatly defined boxes created by dead White men of yore, that there is something wrong with you. I say, fuck that.
This is not a call to end the celebration of parents, but a challenge to think of the various ways in which a society’s norms shapes our behaviors and psyche. These types of holidays are intended to show the one’s we love, that we appreciate and value everything they have sacrificed for us. However, what is the significance of posting that praise to Facebook for the rest of the world to see? Again, we live in a society that places everything on social media and in doing so, removes sincerity from our actions. It is important to take time out to show gratitude to those who deserve it, but when we post those things to social media we share our special moments with people who are not involved and gloat in the face of those who do not have those type of people in their lives.
For me, I show the great women in my life that I love them with my actions; I don’t wait for commerial holidays.
Many people in this country believe that it is important to have both a mother and father in the household when raising a child. I won’t get into the heteronormativity dripping in statements like that, but I’m sure you get it. However, in a country full of people with differing experiences, I’m starting to see the traditional “values” that are reinforced by celebrating holidays like Father’s or Mother’s Day. We thank Father’s for their strength and guidance while we thank mother’s for their love and compassion. But again, what of the people who got both strength and love from one parent and not the other? In America traditional gender roles and identities are drilled into us at every turn. Those patriarchal ideals are pervasive and seep into all areas of our lives. They send the message that if you and your family don’t fit into the neatly defined boxes created by dead White men of yore, that there is something wrong with you. I say, fuck that.
This is not a call to end the celebration of parents, but a challenge to think of the various ways in which a society’s norms shapes our behaviors and psyche. These types of holidays are intended to show the one’s we love, that we appreciate and value everything they have sacrificed for us. However, what is the significance of posting that praise to Facebook for the rest of the world to see? Again, we live in a society that places everything on social media and in doing so, removes sincerity from our actions. It is important to take time out to show gratitude to those who deserve it, but when we post those things to social media we share our special moments with people who are not involved and gloat in the face of those who do not have those type of people in their lives.
For me, I show the great women in my life that I love them with my actions; I don’t wait for commerial holidays.